Thursday, April 16, 2015

I wish people would listen...

I must admit, I've always been hardheaded, stubborn, obstinate, whatever you want to call it. And yes, I've often made things difficult for myself. I can think of countless situations where there was the easier, softer, way and the Megan way.

I also learned that when someone was as passionate about something as I was, that other person could dig his heels in just as firmly as I could, and in the end, there'd be lots of energy spent, but neither person convinced one iota more than they were before the discussion that their viewpoint needed adjusting.

My best examples came not from people exhorting, but from those who'd simply state their position and have their actions illustrate their words. Something along the lines of getting more flies with honey rather than vinegar combined with someone walking the walk.

I remember reading an article years ago, sometime in the late 1970s, about a woman who had cancer. What I remembered most from that article was that she wanted to go for the cure and not just treat symptoms. At the time the article was published, she had finished chemotherapy and was declared in remission. I hope that held true.

What I saw was that going for the cure versus treating symptoms could be demonstrated in any number of situations. I saw it when I was in banking, for instance, and consolidation loans were being touted as the answer to everything (unless you're a sci-fi fan, because, of course, the answer to everything is 42. But I digress.)

As bank employees, we were coached to talk up these loans and how wonderful they could be. Now, this is akin to two different patients seeing the doctor, and both complaining of a headache. If he encourages each to take two aspirin, it's highly likely that their headache symptoms will abate, but there may be two completely different reasons why the headaches occurred. In one case, it might have been the person skipped a meal; in the other, it might have been from stress. So, while the aspirin will take away or reduce the pain, that addresses only the symptom. The cure in the first case would be to eat some food, and in the second to find a way to deal with the stress a bit better.

I thought of that article when I was in banking in the 1990s, hearing this "push the consolidation loans" message. Wouldn't you want to know why people needed the consolidation loan? If they simply were not living within their means, then the consolidation loan would not be the cure; it would only address a symptom. If they had some huge event occur, like a long-term illness where the major wage earner was unable to work and the money coming in was insufficient to cover necessary expenses, but said person had since recovered and was back to earning, then the consolidation loan could help them to repay the debt more easily.

What I came to see was that the bank didn't care why people were in that situation, they simply saw a way to make money and offered the product.

I saw easily a hundred of these loans closed at my branch office, and in nearly every instance, a few years out, the people were back for another consolidation loan because they had run back up credit cards. It seems that even though in some cases they were required to close some credit lines in order to be approved and did so, they found that after a while, they wanted some gee-gaw or other, didn't have the money, and if they didn't have sufficient credit on the card they had, they opened another one. So, when they returned for the second consolidation loan, the amount of their outstanding debt was more than it had been at the closing of the first loan. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Most of these people were well-intentioned, any number of them held down responsible, high-paying jobs, but they didn't seem to understand they had created their own misery by not living within their means. The thinking had to change in order to ensure success. Most often, it did not.

I took that as a warning, and rarely acquire debt. When I do, it's for big-ticket items, and even then, it's not done willy-nilly, and I do what I can to pay it off completely or as quickly as I can.

Twenty years out from banking, and bariatric surgery is booming. I see this fraught with the same problems that I saw with the consolidation loan scenario. The surgery is NOT a magic bullet. It can be a tool in the toolbox, but it's not the cure. It addresses only one symptom.

I've not known that many people who've had the surgery, so from a scientific viewpoint, my n is not  large enough from a statistical standpoint, but what I've seen is depressing. Nearly every person I've known who's had this surgery said they yes, they were ready to make a change, and do whatever it took. Yes, they jumped through the medical hoops, yes they were excited to make this change, yes it was going to be a lifestyle thing. blah, blah, blah.

In every long-term case, i.e., over 12 months out, save one, they've either gained back at least half the weight they lost, or they've stayed stuck at a weight that still has them in an obese category. Except for the one case, they all reverted to a number of their old eating habits. Eating foods that are nutritionally empty but taste good to them. Eating foods that allow them to gain weight easily. Like the consolidation loan candidates, these people were utterly sincere when they promised they would do all the steps. Well, they did do them, they just didn't continue to do them; at some point, they all stopped.

Except the one. She found herself gaining some weight and wondered why, so wrote down everything she ate to see. She determined that she was eating a lot of nuts. Nuts are nutritionally sound food, but the amounts she ate were too much for her, so she cut back on how often she ate them, and the pounds she had gained fell away.

I did not distinguish between lap band surgeries and the more invasive stomach stapling, and again my n is small.

One of my acquaintances has decided this surgery is for him. He's as pigheaded and stubborn as I am, and my concerns have fallen on deaf ears. I would love to see him succeed and prove me wrong, but I don't think it'll happen. sigh.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

First recital down!

Well, i'm glad I can say the recital went well. There were 20 of us all told. I was about a third of the way down the list, and my teacher mixed up the list pretty well. Besides piano or keyboard students like myself, there were also those learning guitar or drums. There was a 12 year-old student who played beautifully, and one of the pieces was his own composition, a jazzy, bluesy piece. One of the older students, an adult played one of his own compositions, too, a love tune to his wife, which was quite sweet.

A few of the students also sang whilst playing. I can carry a tune, and sometimes it's even the right one, but trying to play and sing at the same time has proven a bit beyond me at the moment, so I applauded most sincerely at those brave several who made the effort, even if not all of them carried the tune well.

A few needed to start over or had a moment where they clearly lost their place and had to recover, but the crowd was very kind, and everyone was greeted with applause when they were done playing.

For my part, I played both of my pieces about the best I've ever played them, which made me happy. I could finally relax afterwards and am glad that first recital is out of the way. Would I do it again? Yes, I believe I would.

A friend filmed it on her phone but has yet to forward a copy to me. She did say she wasn't sure that she had enough battery power left, so i'm not sure that I shall ever see it. Still, I very much appreciated her coming to see me, and I nearly burst into tears when she said, "I didn't come to hear you play; I came for YOU." Never underestimate the power of someone wanting to see you succeed.

The next piano player after me has been playing longer, and you could hear it by how he touched the keys. "He plays better than you," my friend said. I agreed with her, and she said, "I'm not saying that to judge you, you know," which I also knew.

Funny thing is, I've heard beginning fifers and I want to encourage them to play, practice often, and when i'm in a jam session with them, I always ask them what they can play, so that they can take an active part. And yet, I have a hard time bestowing that same kindness on myself. I'm learning, though.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

On a more cheerful note...

My goodness, the last few blog posts from me have been dreary! Besides the weather, death, and taxes, there has to be something else on the docket. And, there is.

As regular readers may remember, I got a new-to-me piano in August, and promptly started with piano lessons, so I could really and truly learn how to play. Bass clef comes to me very slowly, but that's better than Not.At.All. which is how it was when I first started, so my sight reading has gone from Not a Snowball's Chance in Hell, to Slower than a Dirge.

Since I'm doing this for fun and because I want to do it, I'm enjoying the process for the most part. I have gotten in my own way on a few occasions, and I still sometimes am amazed that I am not a prodigy. These are tunes I know, so why can't I just look at the notes and play? Like magic?

What I have found is that if I play a bit every day, even just 10 or 15 minutes, it makes a difference. The pieces I have to work on are short, and as previously mentioned, most are tunes I know, so it's just learning to read the music, know where to put my fingers, and when to touch the keys that's needed.

My piano teacher has two recitals a year, one in the autumn and one in the spring. I was still very new when he was lining up students for the autumnal recital, and when he asked some weeks back if I'd play in the spring recital, I surprised myself by saying yes. I am to play two numbers, and he will accompany me on both. He's doing the same for all his students in this recital. The last one was mostly for his younger students, and this one is for all those over age 12. There are quite a few of us, as it turns out, so a week from tomorrow, I shall make my debut.

I've told those who helped me move the piano into the house, in case they want to see the aftermath of their efforts. In some ways, I hope they don't come, so if I make a mistake, it'll be in a room full of people I don't know. But, if I end up playing well, I'd like for them to hear it.

When I first started my lessons, my piano teacher asked me what I wanted to play. I told him I didn't have anything specific in mind, I just wanted to be able to play. Since then, I find that the two bluesy pieces in my student book have been fun, and I have learned the first part of Maple Leaf Rag and The Entertainer. Something happens to me when I play ragtime. I feel the music really flowing from my fingers to the keys in a way it doesn't with some of the other pieces, where I play the notes but don't "feel" the music.

It's still very early days yet in my piano playing chapter, but I do think I'm in love with Scott Joplin.